Thursday, February 26, 2015

Update On The Teacher Life


For when you realize that not only is this job paying you a pittance, but it's actually costing you more money to work than not.

So I'm still teaching and I'm still toughing out 55-hour work weeks at the rate of, depending on overtime, less than $5 an hour and thanks to a tax screw-up, I'm in the hole big time this year.  Don't think about it!  Don't think about the cycle of poverty making it impossible to better yourself regardless of your hard work and the hypocrite you are telling your low-income students that they can make a better life for themselves by working hard even though your own life is irrefutable proof that it's a nefarious lie!  Don't think about the hollowness of trying to build up your students when your own level of poverty echos back your lifelong fear of being a loser and a failure no matter how hard you try!  Don't think about it!  Think about this instead:



The afternoon after the pop quiz, it became apparent that one of the kids who refuses to write essays for me in class is a BIG FIREY-PANTS LIAR.  When all the other kids gamely suffered though a single paragraph filled with errors, he turned in a THREE-PAGE OPUS in six neatly-formatted paragraphs, with 2x the direct quotes from the text and and introduction AND A CONCLUSION (!!!) that were, for lack of a better word, SO CUTE.  Not only was the essay flawless, it went above and beyond the criteria, reflected creativity, and showed talent and composure under the time constraints of the pop quiz. 

This kid.  Really.

After passing it around to the whole faculty to read, we covered it in stickers and I snuck down to the basement to meet the student between his last two classes to return his paper.  I took him to a quiet corner and informed him,  "I just graded your quiz from this morning..."

His eyes grew wide and cold as he visibly steeled himself for the bad news.

"YOU GOT THE HIGHEST GRADE IN THE CLASS!"

He grabbed the paper from my hands to closer inspect the 10/10 on top, the "You're Tops!" sticker, the frog with googly eyes sticker, the "WOW!" I'd writted in pink marker.

Then, he foisted his quiz above his head, and silently launched into a victory lap of the basement while I rolled on the floor laughing.  He came back around for the high-five, the rebound, and this warning:

"You still owe me last week's essay.  Now that I know you're the best writer in school, I expect it to be just like this one - better than the original text itself!  Someday you'll be writing texts for us to teach!  Now get to class.  Give that to your mom.  Tell her to put it on the fridge.  Happy Valentine's Day."





Don't think about the money.
Don't think about the work.
Don't think about the lack of sleep.
Don't think about the hectic days.
Don't think about losing your voice from screaming.
Don't think about the shitty commute.


Think about this.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Trader Joe's Tuesday: Organic Vegetarian Chili




Trader Jose's Organic Vegetarian Chili



Tastes Like:
  This chili might be good enough to turn a carnivore to the herbi-curious side of things.  That's saying a lot - made-up words included.


Great With:  Chips for dipping and a little cheese on top.


Perfect For:  Gluten-free vegetarian chili cheese fries!


Must Know:  No evidence of gluten or gluten ingredients.  Contains soy.


Costs:  $2.29 is a bit steep for a can of chili that, while filling, is realistically two servings at most.  This could conceivably be stretched, but I'd save it for a rainy day (or a blizzard) in the cupboard!

Monday, February 23, 2015

In Cold Blood



The Golden Rule is:  "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

The Golden Rule of the Internet is:  "If you can't say something nice, at lease say something funny."


That in mind, I would like to declare that In Cold Blood by Truman Capote is like the worst murder mystery ever written.  If he tried to get a job working for the Law & Order franchise, DickWolf (his name should be one) would laugh him out of the office.


The other Golden Rule of the Internet is "NO SPOILERS!" so unfortunately, I cannot tell you exactly why this book was so terrible.  But like the cruel, cruel Internet, it became a thing that I loved to hate:  five pages in, I was convinced that I hated the book and yet I dutifully pulled it out on every commute until it was finished.



Well, give me a prize for amazing foresight.  Because I truly did not like this book.  I tried, believe me, I tried.  But I cannot like this flimsy excuse for a narrative.  It was boring.  It was pointless.  I got the distinct impression that I was reading a book filled with words to meet a quota, and not a story that poured out onto the pages.



I'm sorry, Internet.  You were the one who convinced me I needed to read this book.  You let me down.  I love to hate you this way.  I love to hate In Cold Blood.  And for clear and perfectly valid reasons, much unlike...


Rule #2.  No spoilers.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Jackpot Candles Review & Giveaway!



Valentine's Day this year brought me everything you would expect for Valentine's Day in one package - candles, chocolate, and jewelry.  Let me explain:

On a Monday, I was contacted by Jackpot Candles about doing a review and giveaway.  By Wednesday I had (with some help) picked out a candle and by Saturday, it had arrived.  This is the fastest customer service I think ever?


Saturday also just happened to be Valentine's Day.  And when you think Valentine's Day, you probably don't expect pickling.  But that's just what my Valentine's Day involved - boiling vinegar and spices in the kitchen!


Luckily, my Hot Fudge Brownie Jewelry Candle had just arrived on my doorstep!  Just sweet enough without being overpowering or saccharine, it wiped out the vinegar smell and replaced it with a nice, fudgey aroma.  Yum!


Another thing I liked:  the wick was very strong, it burned evenly, and there was none of that "tunneling" you get with candles sometimes.  I know that may be a picky thing, but for me, I loved it. 





A couple days of burning (I'm a candle addict, I swear, live in New York with all of its smells and you will be, too) and the foil inside began to emerge.  The candle itself is such a treat, that you might forget that there's jewelry inside!!!

Yep, not only is there jewelry inside, but you can choose on the website whether you want earrings, a necklace, or a ring inside your candle.  I'm a ring fanatic so of course I chose that option.  Being tiny of fingers, I absolutely loved that I could pick the size of my ring!  At the time of ordering, the smallest option available was size 6, my index finger, but it looks as though they offer as small as a 5! 




Shift back to present day:  two days post-Valentine's.  The gold foil began to emerge through the wax and I picked it out.  Here's where it gets a little messy.  It's a soy candle, so the wax is a little greasy - you might not want to put it in a dish, like I did.  Maybe a paper towel would be better.  However, between the foil and little baggie, my ring was spotless and grease-free and it's a total stunner!




This design is not anything I would ever pick for myself, but I loved being surprised with it.  A red gem at the center of a sparkly flower.  It has kind of a vintage feel to it, and is big enough to satisfy my shall we say over the top tastes without looking costumey.  Not that there's anything wrong with that! 




My students play with my rings and ask, "Is this real?"  I reply, "Real enough for me!"  But in case you're curious of the value of your jewelry, there is a code on the tag that you can enter on the website for appraisal.  Jewelry in the candles range in value from $15 - $5,000.  My ring was a $24 prize, but hey, I like it anyway.  It goes well with my "finger party" and is 100% true to size.



And the candle itself is still going! So if you'd like to have your very own
Jackpot Candles, drop a comment below to let me know which scent you'd choose!  Winner chosen next Monday, March 2nd at 8:00pm!  Don't forget to leave your email in the comment so I can TELL YOU THAT YOU WON!


Leave a comment below with Name, Email, and your scent (I almost said "flavor"!  DO NOT EAT THE CANDLE!) of choice.  Good luck, y'all!

Gimme Summa Dat Love and Affection




"Love is touch
Touch is love
Love is reaching

Reaching love
Love is asking
to be loved."

"Love" by John Lennon




A week out from Valentine's Day and I still won't quit talking about love.  I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, and you know what?  I'm not sorry.  Love is all you need.  Love is a many-splendored thing.  Love is...really really easy.


What?  Oh yes.  Love is really easy!  You just let yourself feel good about something.  You know you can do it!  And you have.  All the time.  With that hot new BBC drama.  With the pad thai at the place down the street.  With the guy you met off OkCupid.  Go ahead, feel love!  Why wouldn't you want to enjoy a cute guy, swirling drama, peanut sauce on rice noodles?!


The scariest part of love is the affection bit.  Isn't it?  Once you realize you're in love, things start to get nerve-wracking.  Is it too soon to send a text?  What if he doesn't call back?  What if the first kiss is awkward?  What if I scare him away?  Why does Netflix have to keep asking me if I want to continue watching Doctor Who?  And can you get sick from eating nothing but pad thai???

All the scary barriers and taboos we put around love have to do with this scary business of affection.  Showing affection - and receiving affection! - puts us in a vulnerable place.  A place of rejection.  Your crush doesn't like you back.  Netflix takes your new show off.  The take-out hostess makes fun of you for coming by three times in a week!


I suppose the balance is this:  do the rewards outweigh the risk?  Is the possibility of love worth putting yourself on the line, handing over your heart knowing full well it could be broken?


Yes is the answer, and you know that for sure.




Friday, February 20, 2015

5 Fandom Friday: I'm Getting Around To It!




Everybody does it:  we bite off more than we can chew.  We buy books that look enticing, read the first few pages or chapters and then...life gets in the way.  I know I'm so guilty of this.  Here's the short list of books on my shelf that I keep meaning to read - hey!  I'm getting around to it!





1.  Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez  because One Hundred Years of Solitude is one of my all-time favourite books, I thought I'd give this one a try.  I started reading it on my 29th birthday.  Then a bunch of terrible stuff came up and I stopped reading this book.  I really ought to finish it.


2.  Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut  also because I adore Welcome to the Monkey House, and this came highly recommended.  I just couldn't get into it, though.  This may be one that I just don't finish.  I'm not obligated to like every book.  Right?


3.  A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway
  also came highly recommended, see above.  I started reading it on a bus in the middle of summer and the wintry setting was soooo enticing.  Then I put it on my bookshelf and... forgot about it, I guess?  Nothing against this book.  It didn't turn me off, like Slaughterhouse Five.  It didn't grab me right away.  I just haven't gotten around to it yet.


4.  Orphans of the Sky by Robert A. Heinlein  now here's an odd case:  I've owned this book since before my huge Heinlein kick.  And yet, while my other favourite Heinlein books joined it on my bookshelf after having been eagerly devoured, this one remains untouched.  Why?  It's rather small (as his books go) and I think I'm afraid I'll find it lacking.  So I never even try!  Wow.


5.  Haunted Greenwich Village by Tom Ogden
  seeing as how this is what I do for a living, I was thrilled to see this book in a small GV bookstore.  I have yet to crack it open.  Why?  No reason, other than I suck, I suppose.  But hey!  I'll get around to it!



Thursday, February 19, 2015

Owning It




This week celebrates a kind of monumental anniversary for me.  Last year, I had to put an end to an unfortunate situation that I found myself in.  I share this in the hopes that my story helps someone else own something that's happening - or has happened - to them.

On July 28th, 2012, I made the acquaintance of a mutual friend's friend.  Despite my better judgement, I gave this man my contact information because I felt socially pressured to do so in the context of the situation.  What followed between that day and February 21st, 2014 was something that I blamed myself for, for a long time.  I even endured therapy to come to terms with it.  I was ashamed for a long time, powerless, and still frightened to this day.

It started off with a few texts.  Then, more texts.  Seven lengthy texts at one time would flood into my phone.  After I stopped responding to the texts, the voicemails came.  And when I didn't return those calls, he came to my job and hung around for hours, distracting me from my work and getting me in trouble with my supervisors.


I believed and hoped with all my logical brain that ignoring the problem would make it go away.  And it did - for a few months here, a few months there.  Then an unknown number would pop up in my phone - and it was him, calling from a new number.


I said outright, on one of these many "trick" calls, that I did not wish to speak to him.  I would not answer any further calls.  And I would consider any further contact to be harassment and I would take action.

In July 2013, a new number, and when I answered:  "I know you told me not to contact you, but I really just wanted to see how you were doing..."  I hung up.  I was completely rattled.  I added the new number to a long list of numbers saved in my phone under a devil face emoji and tried to calm myself.


February 13, 2013.  I was doubled over my toilet with food poisoning, my parents calling me nonstop to tell me that my childhood dog was dying, crying inconsolably on the phone while I lay on the tile of the bathroom, retching my guts up.  In between these calls, the devil face emoji popped up on the screen.  Amid tears and puking, my boyfriend at the time showed me how to block telephone numbers on my iPhone.


A week later, a familiar face at work brought back those feelings nausea.  It was him.


I met the same boyfriend after work to tell him what had happened, and he encouraged me to go to the police.  I still refused to take the threat seriously...until he advised me to check the "blocked voicemail" section of my phone.  In the week that his number was blocked, he had left me 21 voicemails.  I was petrified, and finally convinced.  I spent the night in the police station, filling pages of personal statements and listening to these voicemails, filled with a rage and helplessness when asked again and again, why did you let this go on for so long?  


If you are in a similar position, you may hear many people advise you "Just have your dad/brother/boyfriend beat this guy up!"  If you have heard this, I am sorry, and I know how you feel.  I think part of the reason I endured this situation for so long was because I wanted to have ownership over it.  I didn't want to turn my life over to another man to deal with my problems.  And while ultimately, it was a man (who I still count as a friend) who convinced me to seek help, it was on my terms and worked out for the absolute best.  I found such a network of support and understanding.


Please feel free to share if you have ever been the victim of stalking/harassment.  Under all my rah-rah take back the night feminism, I still hid in shame when I became a victim.  You don't have to be perfect.  You can do everything right and still be a victim.  That's what I learned in a year.




Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Trader Joe's Tuesday: Vanilla Meringues



Trader Joe's Vanilla Meringues


Tastes Like:  The exact thing that these taste like is this:  Lucky Charms marshmallows.  Are they the most complex meringues you'll ever indulge in?  No, probably not.  But they will melt in your mouth and deliver a nice sugar kick at a sweet price.


Great With:  Cranberry juice - the sweetness offsets the tart juice.  Or a mellow Sleepytime tea.


Perfect For:  Fans of cereal marshmallows, duh.


Must Know:  Gluten-free, fat free, but they contain egg so KEEP AWAY FROM VEGANS.


Costs:  $3.29 for a big, BIG container of cookies that are too sweet to eat up too fast.  If you like a little sweetness, these go a long way!

Monday, February 16, 2015

Happy Valentine's Day from Secret Six!


Several (several) weeks after it was supposed to come out, last Wednesday we finally saw the thrilling second half of the re-re-make of Secret Six.  The first ended on a cliffhanger, asking the question, "What's the secret?"  And I figured out what the secret was:  a Super Special Valentine's Day Issue!


Whaaaaat?  Yes, this issue is clearly meant for Valentine's Day!  Check out these (appropriately enough) six frames and tell me they aren't sending secret (hah!  On a roll!) messages to someone's Valentine:

1.  The Pity-the-Fool Valentine




2.  The Just-Not-That-Into-You Valentine




3
.  The Awkward Morning-After Valentine




4.  The Catch-My-Drift Valentine




5.  The DTR (Define the Relationship) Valentine




6.  The Shut-Up-and-Kiss-Me Valentine



Hey, are you loving the New Secret Six?  Or are you "Just Not That Into" it?  Comments!

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Sunday Stealing + MY 1500th POST!!





HELLO, 1500th POST!
Bonjour, Sunday Stealers!  Welcome to my 1500th post! 
Why, just yesterday, I had hit my 936th post and now here we are!

I'm just tickled pink and red and lacy and chocolatey that I've made it this far and still going strong!
I can't believe I've actually accomplished something so big and monumental as one thousand and five hundred various and sundry ramblings...when I feel like I've written maybe, five decent posts?  Holy archives, Batman!  Enough rhapsodizing, let's talk about love!  Let the Sunday Stealing...commence!!!





Love, to you. 


Define love in your own words. 


Love is touch.  Touch is love.  OH!  Sorry, those aren't my words!  I think love is like a Reese's cup.  You have two individuals who are great on their own - chocolate!  peanut butter! - but together, they're fantastic!


What do you want in a relationship? 


In the words of Queen:  I want it all...and I want it now!  I think it's just as important for excitement and thrills as it is to have someone you (this is corny) can introduce to your parents.  Someone your friends give the thumbs-up to.  Someone who you can share inside jokes and crossword puzzles with.


What do you contribute to a relationship?


A lot of noise.  Well, I like to effusively tell people I love them.  All the time.  And I'm more likely to express my affection by tightening the screws on your toilet seat than by bringing you diamonds.  I think I bring the peanut butter.  Something simple and realistic, down to earth and filling.  Good for you!  As opposed to the sexy excitement of the chocolate.  I'm totally okay with that.

Currently..... 


Do you have a Valentine?


!!!!!! YESSSSSSS !!!!!


If not, are you happy being single? 


Yes, but I really love dating.  It's like buying a scratch-off card, but with people.  I don't think I need to explain that metaphor further but also, it's a good reason to go new places and try new things. 


Describe the perfect V-day date in your opinion: 


I've spent the last two V-Days essentially hiding out from bad weather.  February in New York doesn't usually allow for my usual favourite activities, such as long romantic stroll and leaving the apartment.  Although yesterday, on the way home from the grocery store (to buy pickling supplies - this is how we do it), it was snowing these big huge flakes and everyone stopped and laughed and tried to catch them on their tongue, it was pretty magical!  My boyfriend's dark coat was peppered with these massive flakes, it looked like he was losing a snowball fight with the Norse gods!  So that was pretty adorable.


Dream Date? 


Pretty much my idea of a perfect day:  wandering around somewhere nice (like the Upper West Side or Greenwich Village or Greenpoint, I mean a nice place, not like Inwood) and talking about things.  Popping into stores or cafes and just strolling around.  Taking advantage of the awesomeness that is New York City.


What is your crush's name? 


I've got it pretty bad for Waffles the Sheltie, and Instagram celebrity.  Mom, do NOT show Waffles to Dad, or your birthday gift this year will be a puppy!!!


Do you believe in love at first sight? 


Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time.


This or that 


Chocolates or Flowers....you must pick one! 


I'm going to go with flowers because they're SPECIAL.  Chocolate is a daily necessity.


A short kiss or a big hug? 


Kisses!


Cute and dimwitted, or Average and brilliant? 


I don't think anyone brilliant can be average.  I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart.


Miscellaneous


Turn-ons? 


"No really!  I love to hear you talk for hours about ______!"


Turn-offs? 


"I just don't see why women make such a big deal about _____, it's so gay."


What thing should a guy never say to you? 


The above, plus any of the Seven Words Used to Control Women.


How do you feel about kissing on the first date?
Not as necessary.  If you want to kiss someone, you should make your move by the second date, or I'll assume you are not interested or are hiding some weird mouth-tentacle affliction.  No judgement here!  But please be upfront about the mouth tentacles on the second date and kiss me then or else I'll assume I've been friendzoned.  A first date is a little soon, I think - first date is when you're meeting someone and getting to know them, I don't expect you to have to decide whether I'm kissworthy just after I've told you I'm not the biggest fan of Brooklyn, I don't drink beer, and the smell of bacon makes me nauseous.  And you shouldn't expect me to know that I want to kiss you as I'm trying to figure out whether you're awkwardly shy or just nervous, quietly brilliant or just quiet, and what the hell it is you do for a living (tech startup what?  Explain it to me again.)  In short, a first date is too early to engage mouth-tentacles.


HAPPY VALENTIMES DAY SUNDAY STEALERS!
Now I share with you my snowy Harlem Valentime:





Saturday, February 14, 2015

Happy Valentimes!





Happy Valentimes Day, lovers.

To those who celebrate, and those who scoff!




If you were my bae,

I would take you on a romantic sunset stroll through Central Park tonight.





And we'd take pictures like this - oooh!




Awwwwww!





And I'd tell you, for the millionth time, how underrated the park is. 


Yep, underrated.




And since we have the park to ourselves,
I'd probably try to snog you quick under the Bethesda Terrace. 
I do hope you don't mind terribly.





Happy Valentimes Day, boo! 

To you, and you, and you!



Friday, February 13, 2015

5 Fandom Friday: I Heart U & U



Ah, swooning over fictional couples, a time-honoured fandom tradition!  Nothing like the perfect romance that can only exist in stories to make your actual life seem like crap.  And that's why we love it! 





1.  Lazarus Long and Adorable Dora, Time Enough For Love by Robert A. Heinlein  tl:dr version: LL rescues a baby from a fire, raises her, leaves for a little bit and comes back to find that she's a grown woman who's grown a crush on him.  What's to do?  Um, you can figure out what happens, probably.  Dora is a friggin' badass and Lazarus Long a total softie for her in Time Enough for Love.  This is just ONE of the pairings in this book that made me go "ewww..." and than weep out of love for the beauty of it.  That's why I love this book.




2.  Alec and Magrethe, Job: A Comedy of Justice also by Robert A. Heinlein  he's uptight, and she teaches him to let his hair down.  The journey this pair goes on is probably the most intense and lasting of Heinlein's love stories...certainly the most monogamous...and hey!  They're not even related to each other!  Incredible, right?




3.  Gaius Balthar and Six, Battlestar Galactica  that tinny music that plays whenever he imagines her close and basically every time he gets caught interacting with her in Season One provide comedic relief in sometimes the way-too-intense storylines.  Sexy robots?  Hell frakkin yeah.




4.  Spike and Druscilla,
Buffy the Vampire Slayer  by far the best part of that season was the way Druscilla minced around whimpering weird shit and Spike being menacing and fawning over her.  Compare this to Twilight.  You've got a helpless female character and a slightly scary guy who's obsessed with her.  Of the vampire pairings, who is more badass?  I rest my case.




5.  Rhett and Scarlett, Gone With the Wind  is it bad if, as an adult, I compare my relationships to this one to test if they're "good enough"?  This enduring passion, the doting, the way they seem to be a foil for each other...


and I had to give mention to my favourite real-life couple:




6.  John Lennon and Yoko Ono  had something so amazing to me.  They seemed to be so devoted to each other, so very much in love and yet so relaxed about it.  They way they adored each other and blended together is really beautiful to me.  How can I put this - I admire the calm that they exuded when in each others' presence.  Makes sense?  That's the perfect idea of compatibility to me.  









Thursday, February 12, 2015

#tbt Glasses



Right now you're probably asking, "Why is that dog wearing glasses?"

Well, he needs them to read.


Charlie had always worn glasses.  Touche, bitches.

A year ago tomorrow, Charlie passed away at home.
He was the smartest, best dog - best friend - one could ask for.  If a dog could read, it would be Charlie.  But he'd probably be a bit of a snob about it - he was an "old man," even as a pup.  With his glasses, and all.


It was because of these round marks around his eyes that I initially wanted to name him "glasses," but we decided on Charlie.  And for fifteen years, Charlie he was.




In time, the "glasses" around his eyes faded.  His nose lengthened (awkward teenage years, indeed) and his fur puffed out.  It slowly began to tinge with gray, and then Charlie was truly every bit the dignified old man he'd always acted like.  An absolute character.  Love you always, grumpy old man.


Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Better Loving Through Science



This New York Times Modern Love article made the internet rounds a couple of weeks ago, but with Valentine's Day coming up (and you know how much I love Valentine's Day!), I thought this was a perfect time to share it.  In the article, Mandy Len Catron talks about using a series of 36 Questions developed by Dr. Arthur Aron, designed to (successfully!) make two strangers fall in love in his laboratory setting.  The questions are here and made for days of thought-provoking conversation between my boyfriend and I, but they are also really good questions for getting to know anyone better and would totally - hint, hint - make great blog prompts.

But I can't be held responsible if you fall all in love and shit.



Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Trader Joe's Tuesday: Salted Caramel Gelato




Trader Joe's Salted Caramel Gelato


Tastes Like:  Words fail!  It's creamy, savory, sweet.  But does it taste like salted caramel?  I would say "no."  It's got a sort of butterscotch-y flavor to it, and it's delicious, don't get me wrong.  I'm not even sure if I'd know the taste of "salted caramel," to be honest with you.  This ice cream is GOOD, though.


Great With:  You know, I feel like the flavor alone is so strong, any toppings you'd put on this would be too much?  Even sprinkles!  Well, maybe not if they were rainbow sprinkles.


Perfect For:  Blogging time.  The robust sweetness of this ice cream is nice paired with a decaf chai tea and several unfinished drafts that need finishing touches!


Must Know:  Contains milk and soy.  No evidence of gluten or gluten ingredients.  It is not vegan.


Costs:  $4.99 is a bit much for ice cream, yes.  However, a tiny carton of Ben & Jerry's will never cost you less than $5 in the city.  It's a great splurge every once in a while, even though it's pricier than some of their other ice creams, it really feels like you get a lot.

Monday, February 9, 2015

Sex Criminals



I've heard so much about Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky's Sex Criminals that it had been on my radar for a while.  When I finally got my copy of the vol. 1 trade, I was not disappointed.  In fact, I was completely blown away.




If you're unfamiliar, you're probably thinking a million things right now.  First and foremost, you're thinking this is a book about sex.  Yes, it most definitely is.  If that makes you uncomfortable, click away now.  Because it gets so much better.






Yes, the book is about sex but it's also about two people:  Suzie and Jon.  And their ability to freeze time when they orgasm.  Now you're probably thinking, "That sounds ridiculous.  How do they even set that up without making it look stupid?"
Answer:  unparalled, imaginitive, cinematic artwork.  Suzie narrates the story of her devastating childhood by inserting her adult self into the formative scenes from her youth.  To see this trick in a movie is to see something clever.  To see it pulled off so beautifully in print form is genius. 



The "freeze time" effect is shown by dreamy floating strands of colour and light bubbles - like the kind you get when you try to photograph the sun.  This both invokes a feeling of delightful afterglow and the sense that something magical is happening without seeming corny or jokey.




Now you're asking, "So this is a serious book?"  Nope.  Couldn't be farther from the truth.  Not only is the wit candid and exciting, the budding relationship between Suzie and Jon that of two witty and clever people you instantly fall in love with, but the book is chock-full of tiny jokes for the extra-observant reader:





So basically, what Sex Criminals gives you is a graphic novel that flows like a movie.  Fans of Ghost World should absolutely give this a shot for its gritty realism, if you like Saga's snappy dialogue you'll be in love.  But everybody owes it to themselves to read Sex Criminals - Valentine's Day is coming up, so share it with someone you love.  Take it from Suzie and Jon, it's better when you share it with someone special.







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