Monday, August 31, 2009

Movie Review - District 9

Johannesburg is infested by giant cockroaches who have laser guns. And they're the ...good guys??? Instant classic.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Ode to the Crazy Homeless Lady Who Shoved Me Hard in the Subway

Downtown bound West 4th Street Platform,
You pushed me on the side-slash/arm.
I saw the cops, but they didn't see
You randomly assaulting me.
Were you rushing for the train?
Or angry because you're insane?
The train doors shut, and, with a sneer,
You shouted obscenities so all could hear,
Pulled up your shorts and glared around
As the train continued downtown.
For no matter what you may have done,
The 8th Avenue Local waits for noone.

My Boyfriend Proves that the Third Try's the Charm

"Whatever you have a fear of, it goes away when you close your mouth"

- Todd Robbins

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Friday, August 21, 2009

Or I could go back to West 4th Street and find a homeless lady to do it for me...

I just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love; then leafed through the Ikea catalog and pored over Time Out NY. I've become one of those New Yorkers I always wanted to be, and only recently have wanted to punch in the face.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

...and I'm sure he has other good qualities as well...

One of the things that really amazes me about my boyfriend is that I truly think he believes that tissues, napkins, paper towels and toilet paper are interchangeable.

The runners-up were animal prints and hooker heels.

If I had to pick an article of clothing that best represents the borough of Queens, it has to be the track suit. It's averaging 90 degrees lately, and I STILL see women of all ages, races, and walks of life wearing these bejeweled, velour monstrosities.

Dueling Upright Basses?

On nice days, Washington Square Park always has at least two jazz combos going simultaneously on either side of the park. Wonder if they ever have to battle to defend their turf?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Important Fashion Update!

My homeless dress admirer did NOT like my outfit today. I lacked for validation.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Haiku #3

Everything You Need to Know About Twilight

Edward loves Bella
And Bella loves Edward back
That's pretty much it.

The other 20% is spent on the Subway.

The Mr. Clean Magic Eraser is the closest thing to real magic I have ever seen, and that means a lot because I spend about 80% of my time around magicians.

That's why they call them the "dog days"

You know it's a hot day when the usually rowdy dogs at the dog park are lying in whatever shade they can find, staring up at the sky as if to say, "Please, God, let my master take me back inside to the air conditioning!"

Fashion Commentator?

For the past two days, the homeless guy in front of Delion on the corner of Broadway and Waverly Place has told me, "Nice dress." I attract the weirdest cat-calls.

A Universal Fact of Life...

People who wait until the last minute to do things, are PUNISHING the people who get things done on time for being responsible. How is that fair?

Sunday, August 16, 2009

"Don't make me regret my decision to go kosher, pig."

pig                  pug
see more dog and puppy pictures

Haiku #2

Oh, "Bridezillas", why?
So bad, yet I keep watching
Poisonous women!

Movie Review - Ong-Bak

Tony Jaa elbows people in the skull, followed by an instant replay (sometimes two).


Movie Review - Chocolate

A special-needs girl kung-fu fights gangsters in warehouses to save her mother's life.

It doesn't work, though.

Movie Review - CJ7
Written by, Directed by and Starring Stephen Chow (Shaolin Soccer, Kung Fu Hustle)

CJ7 is a Shih-Tzu made of "Flubber" from outer space who can re-animate the dead.

There is little to no kung fu in this movie.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

WARNING - this entry is not for the faint of heart.

Probably the funniest thing I have ever seen in the Queens Center Mall was a chubby eight-year-old child running at the railing of the fourth story to vomit all over the patrons in the food court three floors below. Out of the mouths of babes, anyone?

Haiku #1

Ode to a (Tame) Wild Party

Chinese and Slushies
Reruns of Robot Chicken...
Last night was CRA-ZAY!!!!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Open Letter #1

To the Guy Who Demanded to Speak to "The Owner", Gave Only His First Name and Refused to Leave a Telephone Number Before Hanging Up Because He Was Too Good to Talk to a Secretary:

Dear "Tim",

You suck.


The Secretary.

Obligatory First Entry

I was recently informed that blogs are passe and self-indulgent. Seeing as how I am, at worst, self-indulgent, and at best passe, it just feels right.
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