Friday, April 23, 2010

And It's (Mostly) Spencer's Fault

Do you think Heidi Montag ever watches reruns of The Hills and thinks, "Oh my God, what happened to me, I have the lowest self-esteem of anyone on the planet"?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Haiku - My Sleeping Dog

My Brat Terrier
Gold-headed sleeping angel
You're on my blanket.

Haiku - Congratulations, Seth Aaron!

You GO, Seth Aaron!
You rocked this thing from the start!
Now go cut your sideburns.

Celebrate Earth Day, Doggie-Style!

Give It A REST, Girl!

I can't help but think, all these birth control ads during the Project Runway finale feel like they're subtly aimed at Heidi Klum.

What Is He ON???

Oh, the only thing that would make this video better is if you took away the sound and put the Benny Hill music underneath.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Jersey Is Fine - From The Safe Distance Of My Living Room

Jerseylicious is the best reality show capitalizing on the freak success of Jersey Shore.

There is a floundering hero, a psychotic villain, and plenty of bronzer. I dare you to tell me it's not riveting television.

If Only 'Twere Possible

In the future, all actual farming will be done by giant robots, directed by college students playing Farmville on facebook.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Today's Cathy, Brought To You By James Cameron

Literally EVERYONE Hates The Westboro Baptist Church

The next press release I want to see denouncing the Westboro Baptist Church is one directly from God:

Dear Westboro Baptist Nutcases,

Stop putting words in my mouth. I hate YOU.

Sincerely, God

PS: You SUCK so hard!!!

They Were Probably There To Torch the Judy Blume Books

True Story: today, I almost hit a parked car because I was so shocked at seeing a car (well, truck, obviously) with a McCain/Palin bumper sticker in the library parking lot.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A Match Made In Greasy, Headless Chicken Heaven

So it seems that KFC is donating some of its profits to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. Good for them, but it's only fitting since they're contributing to moobs, they should do something good for breasts in return.

Haiku - WTF, ANTM?

Size zero bitches
Learn "what their body type is"'s called, "SKINNY".

(dedicated to this week's episode of America's Next Top Model)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

How To Be A Mom, Accoding to MTV's 16 & Pregnant

1. Find a teenage boy who is older, but less mature than you.

2. Give up your perfectly sane contraceptive plan.

3. Get accidentally knocked up.

4. Decide not to abort/give up baby for adoption out of narcissistic and naive belief that you can handle the consequences.

5. Say "it's hard" a lot, without referring to anything specific.

6. Come to senses, kick loser boyfriend out.

7. Lose senses again, let him come back for the birth of the baby.

8. Make feeble attempt to stay a part of the world by taking online classes and dragging your former friends into awkward encounters with your horrid new offspring.

9. Focus all your unreturned affection from your deadbeat boyfriend, angst at having disappointed your parents, regret for losing out on the best years of your life, and low self esteem from having failed at life into insane, obsessive love for your baby.

10. Completely drop out of life, cut yourself off from everyone but your loser boyfriend, quit your feeble attempt at school, give up any hope for a future to spend all your time doting on the precious fruit of your sordid loins and smother her/him until he/she rebels and has unprotected sex, completing the cycle of ignorance.

Optional Step 11: Say "it's hard" a lot, again.

Movie Review - My Life In Ruins

As far as "woe is me, my life is terrible because I'm so underappreciated but thank God this handsome guy 20 years younger than me is inexplicably in love with me and suddenly my life is perfect because all I've needed all along is the validation of a man" movies go, this one is fairly entertaining.

Perfect For Keeping Your Cankles Warm?

Uggs are super popular.

Cankles are super unpopular.

However, when wearing Uggs, it give the wearer the illusion of having cankles.

How does this make ANY sense???

She Shall Be Called, The Tydra...

Tyra Banks is a beast with two heads.

One head smizes with an air that commands respect and deference, a woman who has built an empire upon her image and promotes her own platform with her long-spanning career.

The other one want you to bring her some Popeye's before she chokes a bitch.

Movie Review - Alice (A SyFy Original Movie)

This version just proves that the story is TOTALLY about drugs.

Not Out Of Defiance, But Because It Just Bores Me

Tonight is the return of new episodes of Glee, and I just might be the only person with a degree in Theatre/Performance who will NOT be watching it tonight.

I mean, besides the people in shows or rehearsals, who are videotaping it, DVRing it, or having a friend DVR it to watch tomorrow.

My Most Ridiculous Pet Peeves

"Deep south" accents

People whose eyebrows are overplucked/invisible

Audrina Patridge, Scarlett Johansen, and Kirstin Dunst

Pointing out my own hypocrisy at me

Copy-and-Paste facebook statuses

Lollipops, gum, and jawbreakers

Movie Review - Hot Tub Time Machine

Stupid title. Clever movie!

Movie Review - Orphan

Big buildup. Little payoff.

Obama asked for change...

demotivational posters
see more

Friday, April 9, 2010

...And She Did NOT Like It...

Don't feel bad for Katy...she's used to green liquid spraying her projectile-style.
She's engaged to Russel Brand!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

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