Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Adventures in New York

Here are the exciting things I did in the greatest city on earth with my guest from out of town:

- won the Wicked lottery and saw it from the front row!

- ate pizza at John's of Bleecker Street

- scored icebox cake and banana pudding at Magnolia

- ate Breakfast at Tiffany's

- went to the top of The Rock

- ate dinner at Tout Va Bien

- got on and found out about The Ride

- rode the carousel in Central Park and sung along with the organ's '60s Hits

- won front row seats to Priscilla Queen of the Desert on Broadway

- walked to Two Boots for pizza

- saw Bridesmaids, Hangover 2, and Kung Fu Panda 2 (in 3D!)

- played (and won!) at Dave & Busters

- spent altogether too much time in midtown.

Hate Myself For Loving Glee...

Okay, I admit it...I may be a Gleek.

I am currently working my way through the second season, fast-forwarding through the glorified karaoke parts (and swearing at the screen when Gwyneth Paltrow comes on) to get to the plot points.

No spoilers, please. Send me no flowers. I already hate myself for you.

Should Of, Would Of, Could Of

One of my biggest pet peeves these days is the following grammar error:

Should've =/= Should + of

This is the way it should be:

Should + have = Should've

Same goes for could've, and would've.

Try to remember it, if you can of.

Poppin' Fresh

Hey guys a.k.a. ME. Blogger locked me out for a little while so I missed out on telling you all about my life so as a SPECIAL TREAT, here's what happened on the Brooklyn-bound A train today at the 145th Street stop.

It started off as any normal day, albeit a little on the busy side. As I had a guest with me this week, and there were no two seats in a row for us to sit on, we opted to stand, complete with luggage. When the train stopped at 145th Street, it stayed in the station for an extra length of time to allow for more and more passengers to fill up our already hot and crowded train.

I should have known she would be a joy when, as she was trying to cram her flowered-romper-wearing-self onto the train following on the heels of her boyfriend, she squealed, "Oh, were you going to let me stay out here?" Her browbeaten beau excused himself and some obliging straphangers moved aside for her to comfortably enter.

Once inside, we were stranded while waiting for the train to start moving, and I glanced at her to see her struggling with her boyfriend. She was touching his face, and he kept flinching away from her. Finally, she gripped him hard, and began - super gross alert incoming 5 4 3 2 1 - squeezing and popping his pimples with her fake nails.

Just my luck, when we finally got moving again, she got off at my stop, and walked veeerrrryyy sloooowwwlllyyy in front of us. Which was particularly frustrating as we were trying to get to the airport and knew not our way around that area.

Glad to be back.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Movie Review -- Edgeplay

Takes you so far inside the band The Runaways that you need to take a shower afterwards.
And go to rehab.


This is what it looks like when you spend all day playing with makeup.

So, I got a little carried away today.
I spent basically all day playing with black eyeshadow, and then got dressed
in knee-high pink argyle socks, my aubergine Converse, baggy jeans shorts, a tank top
("pocket shirt" - the blue top I wore all across Europe because of it's forgiving fit and duh, pocket),
with my lock necklace and key necklace to boot.

The result:
I looked like a kick-ass Roller Derby goth Punky Brewster.

The drawback?
Getting hollered at by leering homeless men!
"Nice socks!" they hooted.

The payoff:
walking to rehearsal in midtown and seeing a totally awesome hip chick in basically the same outfit as me
(only with rainbow striped socks, extra tall red Converse, and turquoise shorts)
and thinking to her,
"You GO girl!"

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

In Your Dreams

Last night I dreamed that an ex-boyfriend of mine and I were called to be part of a reunion for a horror movie set in a home for disadvantaged children that was currently under renovation.

In my dream, there was a huge scene made when it came to light that this person still resented me a great deal, and refused to be a part of the project if I were to participate in it.

I couldn't care less. I think the point of the histrionics was to prove that I cared.

In your dreams, pal.


If Patsy and Edina from AbFab were able to produce a biological child from their lifelong sisterlove and she grew up to be socially awkward, nihilistic, sociopathic, alcoholic, desperate, underemployed and sexually perverted, then you'd have Pulling.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Movie Review -- My Best Friend's Wedding

Julia Roberts affects an unlikeable personality and dons a hideous red perm to completely lose me as a fan to...Cameron Diaz?

The world really IS ending.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Gay-dian Angel, part deux

I recently wrote about an enchanting gay man on the subway, and fervently wished I could have a strange gay man all my own. Tonight, my prayers were answered.

Waiting on the W4 uptown A C E platform, I was approached by a sweet looking guy as the E train pulled up, and he asked me if the train would go to Times Square. Yes-ish? I mean, if you know New York, you know that Times Square is HUGE. But, unless you take the 1,2,3, N,R,Q, or W trains, there's no guarantee where you get off, and he told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted to get out of the subway and be instantly WOWED.


My first night in Paris, I was dismayed (yes, yes, I know) at having left sunny, cheerful Amsterdam, and I begged Eli to "take me somewhere beautiful." A few stops on the Metro later and we emerged face-to-face with the Arc de Triomphe!

So needless to say, I had great empathy for this guy, and I told him, "Um, yeah, take this, and then go to transfer to the red or yellow trains - "

"I'm from Chicago!" he volunteered cheerfully.

"Right...you could also walk down 42nd Street to get to Times Square! Just walk towards the lights! You'll go past the wax museum, Ripley's Believe It Or Not - "

"I'm a little drunk," he confessed through the wide gap in his top teeth. "I took a gay bar tour."

"Awesome!" I felt suddenly at ease with this random black-clap stranger. "I'm a tour guide! I just did a tour!"

"I was at the Stonewall Inn and all sorts of places!"

"SO WAS I!" And now we were besties for life. "Get on this train with me, I'll give you a thumbs up when it's your stop."

He sat across the train from me and we made idle chat about whose pizza was better, whether New York and Chicago could be friends, and the time of year NOT to visit Chicago.

When we got to 42nd Street, I gave him several thumbs up, a few nudges, and said "This is you!" several times. Poor guy was drunk.

"It's here? This is me? I get off here?" he asked OVER and OVER.

"YES!" I laughed, "So get off the train now before you lose your chance!"

"Thanks, mami!" He kissed my cheek and squeezed through the closing doors.

Ahhhh, to be young and drunk in New York...Link

Thursday, May 19, 2011


Stepping onto the A train coming home the first thing I notice is the gag-worthy smell of cantaloupe.

"But Meghan," you say, "what's so bad about cantaloupe?"

I'll tell you.

All my life, I have been unable to stand cantaloupe. I have given it multiple chances to win its way back into my good graces. I remember little to nothing of my college career, but one thing that stands out in my mind was being trapped in the back of a lecture hall with a pair of girls who spilled their cantaloupe bubble tea and wanting to throw up or murder them.

To put it mildly, this cantaloupe smell tonight was like a rotten leftover pumpkin from Halloween, which a homeless person had eaten, pooped into a Jamba Juice cup, and left to fester on the A train which only TODAY turned on the air conditioning. Get my drift?

And then I notice something to take my mind off even the most raunchy of cantaloupe smells:

Sitting across from me are 1/2 of Milli Vanilli (complete with 90's goatee and long black fake nails) and Agador Spartacus. Milli is quietly nodding, while Agador speaks loudly, kicking and tapping his feet like a Telemundo talk show host.

"All my life until I was 32 I was 135, now I'm 150!" he wails, kicking his feet against the floor loudly (is he a tap dancer?). "None of my clothes fit!"

PERSONAL NOTE: I'm a fairly thin girl overall, at least in my opinion, and at my heaviest I was probably 135. This was a full grown man, well into his thirties, at least by his estimation. End transmission.

A few steps later, a young mother/daughter pair get on, her in her leather jacket and GUESS across the butt sweatpants, mini-her in True Religion jeans with calculated giant holes. Let's call them Senora and Senorita Bangs, because the littler keeps adjusting her sideswept bangs and lustily staring at at Agador, like a tweenager about to make her first romantical move. I wanted to reach out to her like NO HONEY! It can never be! SENOR ES UN HOMOSEXUAL! NO QUIERE LOS CHICAS! COMPRENDE???

Milli gets off the train, big kiss on the cheek, Sra y Srta sit down and Agador turns to them.

"Oh! I have not seen him in like, so long!" (am I imagining or is HE now fiddling with HIS bangs?) "Honey, you STAY IN SCHOOL, you stay in school and make your mami proud, promise me, you stay out of trouble, and STAY IN SCHOOL!"

Now it's HIS stop, and he grabs each to shake their hand, and pulls them in for a BIG smackeroo on the cheek before blowing kisses to them both and turning on his heel, like a big gay phantom taking off into the night.

We'll never forget you, gay angel. You touched us all. You were the essence of charisma.


Aww, look how lonely it is?



and it was good.

Oh so good.

Come on to my house, to my house
and jump onto my couch!

(Remove your shoes first and no beverages allowed)

Under The Weather

I have been fairly sporadic lately because

a) my life is insanely busy (audition, tour, work, work), and

b) I am under the weather.

Not SICK - but my health is incredibly dependent upon the weather. As in, when the weather is bad, so am I. Except when the weather is GOOD, I am also bad! Observe, as seen in the cases of the only three weather options we are having lately:

OPTION A: Bright, clear, sunny days = overheated, exhausted
OPTION B: Clear, sunny, windy days = allergies, runny nose and eyes, and cough
OPTION C: Cold, rainy/cloudy days = sinus pressure, headaches, and ear popping.

Lately, we have been having a lot of Option B, leading into Option C, which caused me to have a fun evening the other day when simultaneously taking Claritin, Benadryl, AND NyQuil and having fantastical hallucinations.

I felt fine (aside from the massive stress of containing hours and hours worth of memorized facts to spew on demand in front of judgy people?) today until a few hours ago when my ears started suddenly popping. Sure enough, the sky is dark and clouds have rolled in over the Hudson (I don't say that phrase enough, "Over the Hudson", but when looking out of my living OR bedroom windows, there's a majestic bridge and river view of one of the less horrific parts of New Jersey) and I'm thinking against wearing shorts on this audition and hoping it doesn't turn into sweater/boots weather by tonight at exactly 8:45pm and not a split second earlier or the Audition Nazis will round me up and... chastise me for making such a tasteless comparison.

Things that make it better include knowing that when I arrive home, the couch fairy will have brought me my full and complete couch (and I swear I am not making this up, but when we picked it out that was my favourite part because it fits me lying down AND my favourite pillow, the goldish/reddish fringey number)!

And maybe tomorrow will be like today started out ALL DAY or I can find a new way for my body to rebel against the current state of the weather?

Shoulda Known Better Than To Cheat A Friend

In a dreamy mood, let me discuss.

The night before last (or before that?) I had a dream that 1/2 of a couple I've known a long time and have been together a long time, convinced me to kiss him.

In the dream, and upon awakening, I had terrible pangs of guilt.

A lifetime ago - a FEW lifetimes ago - a real situation like this one presented itself. And I like to think I've learned but I can never forget the pain I caused so many people as a result of my desperate need to feel loved and accepted.

Let this be a lesson: if it feels wrong, it IS wrong, no matter who says it's right.

Thank you, George Michael.

I Had A Dream Last Night...

That my 5-room apartment was a palatial estate with glass French doors leading to the living room, and as such, many people invited themselves over to be overnight guests. Far-flung faceless cousins and small children underfoot at wee hours of the morning, running around my bedroom while I tried to sleep or catch a breath, looking for an outlet to plug in a phone charger. Moving my furniture! Moving my bed! Altering the oh-so-carefully planned lighting! For hours and hours, these uninvited guests invited still MORE guests to pester me until I leaned out my bedroom door and shouted:


And closed the door with only a few close friends inside, and went back to sleep.

In reality, I woke at 10:30am in an empty house feeling relieved!

Things I Love Thursday

Hoover Flair Bagless Vacuum cleaner (in red!) - gets the carpets back to factory standard condition


New York Color Pink Promenade cr̬me Nail Polish Рthe pinkiest pink that's not too pinky or, what punk flamingoes would wear to be ironic


LAMPS LAMPS LAMPS LAMPS I have acquired THREE new lamps this week and my living room is homey AND bright without being an operating room


Buffy the Vampire Slayer – season 4

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


By approximately this time tomorrow, I should have 3/3rds of my couch! All in one place! MY place, most importantly!

I love having a new apartment...I also can't wait until it feels LIVED-IN, when I have to clean the cupboards and the bedroom is no longer a white/black hole, the kitchen maybe has a long narrow table (for beer pong? I don't understand but well-meaning visitors keep suggesting a long, narrow table - maybe because they're jealous of my big spacious kitchen and want me to have a cramped, tiny kitchen once again?)

I realize this is my second post in a row about my furniture and I promise to stop if you're really good and brush your teeth before bed xoxoxo.


The two lamps on my windowsill have quite a history:

In early life, my mother bought them on the cheap and they lived in her library, making it cozier and brighter.

Then, they came home from the library and lived in the basement, unused.

When Aaron and Kate lived together in Binghamton, these lamps were volunteered to accent their home, and they lived in the living room where some pleasant, sleepy afternoons were spent watching Doctor Who, flipping through magazines and eating entire containers of sushi and frozen creme puffs.

When the pair moved to Illinois, the lamps returned to the basement, sad and unused.

As of last weekend, the lamps are now brightening my home. The two little lamps have a powerful light that I believe goes beyond their CFL bulbs. I think it's deepened by the history they have, the ties they had to people I love, my mother's generosity, a lost friend, years of change in my life. Maybe I'm overly sentimental, but that makes these plain lamps even sweeter and brighter.

Movie Review -- Toy Story 3

Terrifying, Exhausting, Horrifying.

30% Merchandising, 30% dizzying Pixar action, 30% trite dialogue, 10% Randy Newman.

Three Random Facts

1. Before taking NyQuil in liquid form, I always toast myself in the mirror:
"Salud!" "L'chaim!" "Chin chin!" "Here's looking at you, kid!"
A spoonful of humour helps the medicine go down.

2. I cannot keep a plant alive to save my life.
Water? Don't water. Sunlight? No sunlight.
Or maybe it's because I keep trying to sing to my plants...

3. I can't stand plain white rice.

Movie Review -- Sleepless In Seattle

Anyone who didn't cry at this movie is a Cylon and should probably be destroyed.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Movie Review -- You've Got Mail

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan probably ACTUALLY love each other, and that's why their movies are so good.

Movie Review -- How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days

This movie lost me in ten minutes.

I kid, I kid, but srsly? THIS passes for entertainment?

Hip to Be a Square

Here is what I did on Friday: walked a million blocks all over Manhattan
(from West 4th Street to Central Park and all over in between).

It was International Falun Dong Day in Union Square!

I still love this fountain in Madison Square Park!
It's all European-looking and peaceful.

There's a new wacky art display in Madison Square Park...yay.
Please Welcome.....GIANT FACE!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Unapologetically Interrogated

This may go down as the weirdest ("Even weirder than the girl who ate soup?" you ask, "Yes, perhaps," I say) thing that ever happened to me in a subway car...

...this week. On Saturday, I was riding to work, and after I got on the train the quirky-but-nicely-dressed woman who sat next to me excused herself ans asked if she could ask me a question.


You never know whether the question is going to be something as simple as

"Can I get to Times Square on this train?"

As complex as

"Do you believe in Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior?"

Or as unwarranted as

"Can I go home with you tonight?"

So it makes sense for any well-meaning, helpful New Yorker (that's ME!) to adopt a nonchalant, sleepy manner of being to discourage further questioning. Don't ask me. It works.

"Mmmmyes?" I slurred back to her, not looking at her, letting my head roll to the side and sighing as I gazed into the distance which was really the forehead of the guy sitting 5 feet away from me on the other side of the train.

"Do you feel like..." she began slowly "apologies are not as frequent in society as they should be?"

The train lurches to a stop in the middle of the tunnel/the train announcer announces that we will be sitting here in awkward awfulness for a looooooong time.

"Yes?" I sighed, wishing against anything that I had elected to sit next to the sleeping homeless man instead of the self-described "roving reporter" who BY THE WAY took NO notes and talked ENDLESSLY about her 50+ years of experience on Earth with apologies, and remorse. And I just sat there, waiting for her to bring it back to Jesus or something. The whole ride, ruined.

And I'm still waiting for my apology.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Things I Love Thursday


fully decorated, fully posh, fully MINE



pink veggie sticks, pink Cadbury mini eggs,
in my mind, they TOTALLY taste better



um, in case you couldn't tell
I am an artist (in my own mind)



here is my latest conquest
the walls tell me what they would like on them
in the least schizophrenic way, you know.

I Feel Pretty...

I went to Sephora with this eyeshadow and got two compliments.

Let me clarify. Getting compliments on your makeup at Sephora is like Tim Gunn asking where you bought your sweater.


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Flavor of Radical Self Love

I have been abusing the Instant Netflix lately by watching Flavor of Love.

There are SO many reasons why this show is everything that's wrong with the world. The girl-fights, the backstabbing, the Spandex.

But if there's one thing the Flavor of Love girls do right, it's Radical Self Love. No matter what they appear to be in terms of um, crazy? To us, they strut around talking about how they're the hottest thing on earth and they OWN their bodies!

And then they throw them at a 4-foot has-been wearing Viking horns, but hey, to each their own?

Movie Review -- Meet Me In St. Louis

"Have yourself a..." WTFOMGLOLROFLWTF??????

Monday, May 9, 2011

The Lonely Mop

At the 59th Street subway station

Dear Lonely Mop,
Where the hell you from?
Are you trying to reach
The Downtown 1?

Dear Lonely Mop
Wherefore art thou?
And how long have you
Been hiding out?

Dear Lonely Mop,
So stealth! So cool!
I'll keep doin' me
And you keep doin' you.

The Alchemaster

Mondays usually mean I am left at home alone to my own devices for the. whole. night.

Meaning odd dinner choices.

Being too broke to treat myself to dinner, I looked in the cupboard to discover the only thing left aside from canned beans and veg was a lonely can of Progresso Cream of Mushroom Soup.


But I was determined to make this better - a handful of pepper, a pinch of white truffle salt, a heavy sprinkling of garlic powder and two dashes of coriander make...

A slightly less disgusting mushroom soup!

Here is my half-eaten bowl:

(Photo taken at the same exact moment I realized I probably could have made myself a sandwich instead).

Wah wah.

Movie Review -- Auntie Mame

I want to "Live, live, live!" like this chick. Or just roll around in her closet for half an hour.
"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!"
That's Rosalind Russell, as Auntie Mame in, duh, Auntie Mame.

Broke Day!

I have a confession: I've become a bit of a shopaholic.

But I'm not really broke! I'm just waiting for my paycheck to be processed from the deposit and I don't want to take any money out of my savings, so I have something like 23 cents in my account today (plus $14 in my wallet!) to walk around with.

So I had lunch with Eli uptown, and on my walk along 59th street, a gay man squealed at me:

"Splendid bow! Makes you look all innocent and such!"

The staff at Tiffany's was more than helpful about splitting the $500 gift card in twain
(Although the man who assisted me made me swear on a stack of Bibles that I would tie a proper bow around the boxes when I got them home)

And walking down Fifth Avenue with my Fancy Tiffany's Bag, I was struck by a whim.

You have to be very careful with whims in New York. Sometimes, such a whim will hit you and you'll think about walking 80 blocks or so in the rain, or getting pathetically lost in Central Park and then lost on the way back down or wandering around the Upper West Side trying to find a certain specific cupcake joint.

But I stuck to my guns and I went down to the village to walk the tour route in preparation for tomorrow, and it all went so very smoothly until a man followed me down Bank Street calling me "Pretty Lady." With great power comes great responsibility.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Radical Self Love, In Pictures

Exploring Radical Self Love,
A fairly interesting concept that at first I wasn't sure about.

It's supposed to counteract all the self-hatred that society deems "acceptable" -
I mean, why do so much of women's magazines devote their space to DIETS and EXCERCISE
and why do we tear apart "gorgeous" celebrities for a TINY imperfection?
Why are we obsessed with FIGHTING OURSELVES to achieve some "ideal"?

But then again,
what reason do I have to hate myself? (I don't think I hate myself...)

(But I don't exactly love myself either...)

I've never been happy with my body.
In my youth I chased a curvy ideal
In my later youth I idolized stick thin girls
Trends changed, my body changed
And my physical appearance never matched society's image of perfection
(maybe I was ahead of my time? or too late)

I hated having my picture taken.
Unless it was airbrushed, indirect light, tons of makeup, and my nose wasn't in the shot.
I have blotchy skin!
I have chapped lips!
I have dark circles!
I'm a beauty treatment ad's dream!
So many insecurities!
So many cures!
Society did it's work on me.

Look at that picture
(granted, there was some makeup involved)
Aren't you REPULSED by my flaws?

Then why am I?

Totally vain self-portraiture.

An exercise in Radical Self Love.

Ten Best Episodes of Buffy The Vampire Slayer...

...in no particular order:

1. Band Candy (Season 3) - "Wooo! Summers! You drive like a spaz!"

2. Superstar (Season 4) - I would buy that calendar!

3. Storyteller (Season 7) - THE CURTAINS!

4. Living Conditions (Season 4) - for anyone who's EVERY had a roommate...

5. Once More, With Feeling (Season 6) - "They got the mustard out!!!!"

6. Bad Eggs (Season 2) - yeaaaah, a "gas leak".

7. Fear Itself (Season 4) - "Bunnies scare me."

8. Tabula Rasa (Season 6) - up until the Michelle Branch song, this episode is GOLD!

9. The Puppet Show (Season 1) - horny dummies haunt my nightmares to this day.

10. Restless (Season 4) - "I wear the cheese; the cheese does not wear me."

Happy Mother's Day, Subway Edition

On my way into work, I saw a mother sitting with her two kids. A girl, approximate age 4, and a boy, somewhere between the ages of 7 and 12. The girl was kicking her legs into the air and hitting the other subway riders on the train, howling like a wolf and asking questions and chattering nonstop, lifting up her dress and howling some more. The boy was drawing on a Mother's Day card addressed to "Grandma". The girl was doted on, and every two seconds the mother would scream "GABRIEL! Watch your foot!" "Gabriel! Don't stand up!" "Gabriel! You didn't write anything in here!" "Gabriel! Why did you write so much?!"

So, Happy Mother's Day to all the bad moms on the subway.

(On a lighter note, it appears to be "Mom's Day Off From Public Transportation" because other than that meanie, the subway was full of half- or fully-asleep dads with babies strapped to their chests, which was actually quite endearing.)

Movie Review -- The Palm Beach Story

If you want a hum-dinger of a malarkey that's full of pepper, WATCH THIS MOVIE!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Singing the Praises of Fresh Direct

I love Fresh Direct.

If the thought of carrying a 12-pack of Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper and a case of Diet Coke up 4 flights of stairs is enough to make your toenails curl, you would love it too (both of these are things my darling cohabitant has ordered, not to mention a ton of other things)!!

The best part is they gave us FREE BLUEBERRIES! Not even little shrimpy ones, but NICE BIG JUICY ONES!

For my money, it doesn't get any better than that!
(And having the world's tallest delivery man bring it all to you!)

Friday, May 6, 2011

The Mommie Club

It's Mother's Day - scratch that, MONTH - on facebook!

Listen, I have nothing against being/wanting to become a mother. Were it not for my own, I would not be here in this crabby state complaining about mothers on facebook.

It's just irritating me how lately my ENTIRE FEED is these "mommy brag" posts.

I'll not go into detail, but suffice to say "HEY! Instead of posting the birthweight of each of your children as infants, how many inches they measured and translating that into centimeters and all the crap they put you through as children growing up, how about you PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR AFORMENTIONED CHILD(ren)!!!"

That's all.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Movie Review -- Itty Bitty Titty Committee

The mediocre plot was surpassed by the excellent soundtrack.

Movie Review -- Love & Other Disasters

The only thing more tragic than Brittany Murphy's death was her attempt at a British accent in this movie.

Her saving grace is that she looks like Audrey Hepburn, kinda.

Things I Love Thursday

collage-d together from old Vogue and Cosmo magazines


Love and Other Disasters
I have no idea what this movie is about, but the wardrobe and hair is amazing
and Catherine Tate is delicious and it's incredibly camp
(even if the accents are woefully bad)


Black bean & corn salsa!

Smokey and sweet, it took Taco Tuesday to a


Unexpected few days off from work means more "me" time at home!


Yesterday I was on my way to training for the Ghosts, Murders and Mayhem tours I will be helping out with over the summer, when I discovered a voicemail had arrived while I was on the subway. I bungled the listening of it, and thanks to my archaic phone, was forced to listen to all of my voicemails over again. Save, delete, delete, delete, save...then I found something I thought was lost forever....

It was unmistakably Aaron's voice. I could tell you exactly when it was received: he had just gotten out of heart surgery, it was last summer, and his voice was high and strained from the breathing apparatus. He probably still had a little "pump head", so the message was garbled - groans, wails, mumbles and stammers - wholly unintelligible. Save for the last sentence, which was so clear - Talk to you later...."

Save. Definitely save.

Another Awesome Quote Incoming....

"If in doubt, overdress.

If you look over-the-top, you can make the most boring occasion have some interest."
- Vivienne Westwood

Good advice, but sometimes scary to follow!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Say Yes To The Dress Drinking Game

*NOTE: Do not play this game while watching marathons of the show, or more than one episode at a time, or you will DIE.

The Rules:

1. Every time a bride answers the consultant's question, "How do you want to look on your wedding day?" with the phrase "like a princess," you DO A SHOT.

2. Every time Audrey shows up with a completely different hairstyle, you DO A SHOT.

3. Every time Keasha overreacts to something ridiculous ("SHE LOST HER HEADBAND!"), you DO A SHOT.

4. Every time a bride's family breaks the rules by going in the stockroom unattended (is anyone even guarding the stockroom?), you DO A SHOT.

5. Every time Randy rhapsodizes about a bride's "special day" with not-so-secret jealousy bubbling up to the surface, you DO A SHOT.

6. Every time Joan "speaks," you DO A SHOT.

7. Every time they say the name "Pnina Tornai," you DO A SHOT.

Come And Get Us

This morning (and early afternoon) was pure torture.

It seems as though the initial "celebration" has worn off and now New York City is bracing itself for (I told you so) the inevitable backlash. Every time my train paused, every suspicious stranger's glance, every conductor's announcement. I started to cry and almost threw up when my A train ran local from 42nd Street to 59th Street with no explanation provided. Couple that with the fact that I forgot to eat breakfast, and I was shaking by the time I got home.

Police officers are everywhere. It's impossible not to think about the fact that they are coming for us and this time, we gave them every justification. They have every reason to come get us back. I feel like I'm trapped in the middle of a global snowball fight that I didn't even start.

I just want to LIVE, okay? It's hard enough with cancer and natural disasters, do we really have to go around blowing each other up?

On the E train out of Queens, I sat across from a poster that advertised the end of the world as May 21st. And I couldn't roll my eyes. It seemed entirely likely that the whole world could end before my next rent check is due. It's no longer a matter of "if," but "when" and "where". I feel as though we, the American people, have been given a malignant diagnosis, only we have no idea how long we have left to live. Two months? Two days? When will we look out the window to see the skyline in flames? Will we even wake up tomorrow morning?

How is it that nobody else is worried?

Monday, May 2, 2011


Today has been an incredibly foodie day! Call it, "Monday Munchies." This is by no means a food journal, I'm embarrassed to have eaten all this indulgent stuff in one day, and this is absolutely not an indication of my normal everyday diet (I am just lucky today):

BREAKFAST: Deep-fried Cod and chips from A Salt and Battery (So adorably British!)Link
LUNCH: Classic Icebox Cake from Magnolia Bakery on Bleecker at West 11th Street (my first icebox cake ever! Spoiler alert: it's cramazing!)

SNACK: A real-life Cadbury Creme Egg from a British foods store (next to A Salt and Battery - do check it out, the help os all so adorably British and while we were there a veritable Little Britain skit about misplaced Will&Kate commemorative plates broke out right before our delighted eyes!)

DINNER: Sandwich, homemade. Two slices of Smart Deli turkey and a slice of Swiss on whole wheat bread with mayonnaise and cranberry mustard!

But thanks to my neighbors and the recent bout of nice(ish) weather, I am privy to EVERYONE's dinners tonight...

Earlier tonight around 6 or 7, one of the neighbors was cooking a dish that I ascertained to be either garlic -heavy pasta, garlic mashed potatoes or home fries with onions.

And NOW, someone is grilling with a nice peppery sauce or rub! Hey, just because I don't eat it doesn't mean I can't appreciate when someone is doing it justice, mmkay?

Who knew we had such talented cooks around us in the neighborhood!

Walk for Choice

Much like every party in high school, I long to attend a real-life Walk for Choice, but for some reason none of the other girls will tell me when/where they are, and I learn about it after the fact.

So here are amazing pictures from all around the country of the signs and smiles of all the people who are evidently cooler than me (no snark, they gave up their time and channeled their artistry towards a fantastic cause)!

Spreading this around in the hopes that some day I will be in their midst!

I have become....

...one of THOSE PEOPLE.

Walking home with groceries in hand, I spotted a bulldog, all leashed up but standing by himself and not tied to anything, standing in front of the apartment building on the corner of Riverside and Plaza Lafayette.

Without thinking, I joked, "Are we a little lost, dear?"

He looked at me, with the somber glare of a hardened New Yorker, as if to say, "I'm waiting for my friend to buzz me up, THANK YOU."

And as I turned the corner, I felt bad for trying to make a pathetic joke.

And then I realized, he was a dog.

The end.

My Reaction To Osama bin Laden's Murder

Dear Amerinazi's:

Thanks a lot. I didn't tell you to kill the guy. But I'm going to suffer the consequences of the hostile world you've created.

It was always scary living in New York City. In my opinion, it's even worse now.

Riding the subway is almost unbearable. Every shifty character, every large bag, every homeless man is a suicide bomber, set on retaliation. Every landmark is a target. Downtown, financial center. Midtown, tourist hub. Uptown, George Washington Bridge - my home.

Violence begets violence. Osama bin Laden was not an evil supervillian. He was not the Wicked Witch of the West. Just because he's out of the picture, it doesn't mean there aren't a thousand, or million other people out there who hate us just as much and would have no qualms about killing us or our leaders as revenge.

While everyone else in America whoops it up, some of us know that that will only make things worse for us. We shouldn't flaunt our big-ass guns around the world. If we do, we're every bit as deserving of these attacks as they say we were. You know what I'm talking about.



Slightly Political for a Minute...

When has that ever stopped me?

I trust by now you all have heard about Osama bin Laden, and if you haven't yet, spoiler alert, he's dead. But - but - BUT! WE killed him. Us lovely Americans who believe in freedom and justice, we snuck up on him in a cave or something and killed this dude.

Am I the only one left with a bad taste in my mouth? What if all the "barbaric" nations we've declared war on in the attempts to fight Osama's influence treated us the same way? Snuck into our homes, killed the president and our military leaders in their beds. We would be HORRIFIED. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

I'm not saying he didn't deserve to die for his crimes. Or maybe I am. I haven't decided yet, in cases of mass terrorism, but I don't really know if the death penalty is ever justified (so not just slightly political, but I'm going to hit every political issue here, you better watch me).

Would it really have been so bad of us to bring him to trial? Then at least we could SAY we went through the motions of justice.

It's funny, when I first heard that he was dead, before I watched President Obama's speech, I asked Eli who killed him, and breathed a sigh of relief when I heard Eli suppose that it was the Israeli army (good guess, Eels, but no). I would have been sufficiently happy to hear he had died of natural causes, even committed suicide to escape capture, like Hitler.

But there's something slightly unsavory and a little less than satisfactory knowing that, in exchange for all those lost on 9/11, almost a decade of fighting and thousands of American soldiers died in a war seeking to bring Osama bin Laden and the terrorists as a whole to JUSTICE. And the light at the end of that tunnel had NOTHING TO DO with justice, just more killling. That, to me, was the final proof that JUSTICE is not the American way, it's GUNS.

Whether you think the killing of Osama bin Laden without a trial was justified or not, one thing is to be sure: AM New York is going to have a field day with the fact that "Osama" rhymes with "Obama". And puns? That's one policy even I can get behind.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

AMAZING Oscar Wilde quote in 3..2..1..

"One should either be a work of art, or wear a work of art."

from Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young

I firmly believe that, if he were born a century and a half or so later, Oscar Wilde would have been the most amazing television personality. Move over, Carson Kressley. Piss off, Clinton Kelly. Suck it, Simon Cowell. Meet the genius that is Oscar Wilde!

Movie Review - Your Highness

It's Robin Hood: Men In Tights meets Michael Bay, slash Pineapple Express.

This Weekend, Summer Came (Early?)...

This weekend was hot, hot, hot! And the BGF (Best Gay Friend) was visiting us after returning from his jaunts abroad to Spain and Ireland. May flowers were bustin' out all over!

We walked basically all over the place, Central Park, 5th Avenue, Park Avenue, as you can see!

Quicker than a Ray of Light, it's Madonna's Bench in Central Park!
Don't just sit there, Strike A Pose!

Matt took some shots of us sitting on the bench...

It was everything a weekend in the city SHOULD be: warm and sunny but not too hot, not too crowded but lively and ebullient, tons of performers and musicians and photo shoots going on all over the park and the city.

Saturday night we had dinner in Little Italy. I had a delicious baked penne dish with light tomato sauce, and Eli had a really outstanding gnocchi with vodka sauce (Matt had Bolognese, so I have no idea how that was!). Afterwards, we bought cannoli and took it to the park with us and it was THE BEST CANNOLI EVER! Little Italy on a summer weekend is a madhouse - crazy crowded, and the restaurants are even more pushy in promoting their wares than in Paris near
Saint-Michel! But it's a million times better than SoHo on a weekend, where I got pushed in the arm - HARD - twice! By people who saw me fall and looked, but didn't seem to care! But I learned my lesson that SoHo on the weekend is a NoGo!

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