Monday, April 30, 2012

Mani Mondays - Tacky Tips

Back from a weekend of partying in New Jersey, I felt compelled to do something easy.  I chose a nail design that not only looks easy, it is easy, and inadvertently makes me look easy.  Whoops.

Weekend in New Jersey

I kind of feel the same way about New Jersey as I feel about 50 Shades of Grey:  offended, yet intrigued, and perhaps slightly aroused. No, seriously,New Jersey is really quite beautiful. It has a humble charm and oh hey affordable housing!

Behold, the nightmare-inducing moving statue display!
Quoth the train conductor: "Keep yo' feets OFF the seats!"
If you use speakerphone on the train, I will give you the O RLY face
And they call it "puppy love"!
Like, for instance, New Jersey.

From the train home.
Magical golden coins!  From the ticket machine.
Stay classy, New Jersey...

Friday, April 27, 2012


Mornings!  There are two types of mornings in this house.  There are the mornings when I wake up early and have nothing on the docket for the day:

Like the other day, when I woke up, watched RuPaul's Drag Race, ate a burrito, then went back to bed for a little nap.  Amazing.

Then there are mornings like today.

Behold the terribleness!

Tangly hair!
Crusty eyes!
Stuffy nose!
Morning burps!
Queasy stomach!

Someone should make a pill for the ails of the morn.

It would be a decongestant, with aspirin, to be washed down with coffee.

Fill in the Blank Friday #3!

1.  When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is,
stumble to the refridgerator...and eat a cheese stick.  I wish I were kidding, sadly, no

2.   I can hardly wait for   the vacay I'm about to take with my friend!  Jersey Shore, here I come!

3.  The quickest way to my heart is   telling me you like my music    because   I'm a massive music snob!  I should just wear a T-shirt that says "Don't even try talking to me if you've never heard of The Velvet Underground" although I suppose just wearing a Velvet Underground T-shirt would suffice.

4. A little known fact about me is that    when I was learning to write, I was ambidextrous...I would write with my right hand, then simultaneously write the mirror image with my left hand (backwards, right to left).

5. The best part about my job is    that I can be completely crazy.  Sometimes I just sing instead of talk.  Yesterday maybe 5% of my customers understood what I was saying anyway, but nearly everybody had a good time.  We're all mad here, Alice!!!

6. Something I just couldn't live without is    coffee, no seriously, I get headaches.  LOL addiction LOL!

7.  Something useful that I wish I knew how to do is   crochet!  I would make all the cool things I see on Pinterest but I am a crochet MORON.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Things I Love Thursday: Netflix + Hulu

America's Next Top Model:  British Invasion
(Hulu+) :  This current season is my favourite ever!  British accents?  Shakeovers, not Makeovers!  And the cattiness among the girls is at a surprising minimum so far.

Kids in the Hall (Netflix) :  I'm pretty sure I am Buddy Cole.  I remember videotaping Kids in the Hall off Comedy Central while I was in high school - ten years ago - after it was already in syndication!  Surprisingly, it still holds up!  The dipping areas skit?  Feelyat?  It's so charming and funny, not to mention hearing Having and Average Weekend by Shadowy Men On a Shadowy Planet takes me right back to my carefree days.  Canada!  Sketch comedy!

Don't Trust the B-- in Apt. 23 (Hulu+) :  I've only seen 2 episodes of this show, but I'm so excited for more!  "Chloe" is the anti-New Girl, and James van der Beek as himself almost steals the show.  I have high hopes for this new show!

Peep Show (Netflix) :  I'm not exaggerating even a bit when I say that EVERY WORD OF THIS SHOW IS BRILLIANT.  Simple premise:  odd couple roommates continually butt heads.  You get to hear their internal monologue.  Some of the darkest, most nihilistic, off the wall stuff, I can't even describe it.  "I've got a friend!  I've made a friend!  Maybe there's nothing wrong with me and I'm a normal human being!" - David Mitchell as "Mark Corrigan"

Bob's Burgers (Netflix AND Hulu+) :  After watching two episodes last night, I was completely hooked.  It's fairly juvenile, but also deeply funny.  Rougher than your average "normal guy with a wacky family" sitcom, making outrageous jokes.  I'm surprised this is on network TV!  I hope it continues to be as strong as its start.

What are you guys watching?
I mean, besides Mad Men.
Blech.  Man Men.  Do not care for it.
Can't explain why.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

7 Things Link-Up #8

Time again for 7 Questions with Gentri Lee!

1. You are stuck somewhere you really don't want to be, do you- walk home, call a friend, or stick it out?
In a bad neighborhood, I walk it out.  You have to strut with confidence and a little bit of thug swagger.  Especially in Inwood!

2. Do you like to PLAY sports?
Hahahahahahahahahaha nope.  I'll "play" mini-golf and bowl and air hockey and ping pong, but are those really *sports*?  Does Just Dance for Wii count?

3. Everyone has that one "different" song that they secretly love- what's yours?
I heard this song in Gatwick airport in London, while drinking a Cadbury milkshake and waiting to catch a flight to Amsterdam:  I guess it's kind of "different?"

4. What is one thing you feel you are really good at?
Charming strangers!  When I want to be, I'm amazingly charming.  I'm good in person AND on the phone!

5. A dog is running in your direction and barking loudly- what do you do?
RUN AWAY, FOOL!  Get out the way!

6. Star gazing or cloud watching?
Star gazing.  I once slept outside to watch an eclipse.  It was during college, and I lived in a second-story apartment with a narrow balcony, facing a park.  Okay, facing the apartment complex next to the park.  Anyway, I had heard there was to be a lunar eclipse, so I bundled up in warm clothes, then wrapped up in a blanket, and sat out on the porch and looked at the moon, slept a little, watched the moon, then finally went inside to bed around 3am.

7. What time of the day do you feel the most productive?
Absolutely in the morning!  If I don't get up and shower early the whole day is shot.  On the other hand, if I get up early and get moving, I can get a lot accomplished!  Like last Sunday, when I scrubbed out the bathtub, cleaned the kitchen, and did my taxes:

Yes, that's a halo...I e-filed!  Fast and secure, quickest way to your refund!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Cut Out Wings T-Shirt DIY

As soon as I saw this shirt on Pinterest, I was smitten.  I knew I had to replicate it, but with no instructions out there, I kinda made it up on my own using an old (read: yellowed!) white Hanes t-shirt.

Here's what I did:

I started by marking off 1-inch lines on the shirt.  I used a Sharpie because I'm craft-inept!  But you can use an erasable craft marker or chalk or soap or whatever.

Try on the shirt so you get an idea of where the slits will fall, and adjust accordingly.

Now for the boring part:  Carefully cut out the slits.  I used tiny sewing scissors to be super-precise.  Along the shoulder "seam" (there was no actual seam on my shirt, but I could imagine one), make sure to leave about an inch of space between the slits.

Pull the strips gently so they "roll" and stretch slightly.  Then try it on!  Fun part!

As much coverage as a halter top, with a little more edge!  Just, um, don't get caught on anything!

Monday, April 23, 2012

A Peek At... The Cathedral Church of St. John the Divine

1047 Amsterdam Avenue

Mani Mondays - Playing Favourites

Stop the presses:  I may have just found my FAVOURITE nail polish.

The picture hardly does it justice.
It's ruby red, with tiny glitter that catches the light and sparkles for days.
I'm in loooooove.

And not just because it reminds me of Hedwig's lipstick...

You know, from Hedwig and the Angry Inch?

my favourite movie?

Sunday, April 22, 2012

What I Believe

I believe in recycling...always.
I believe everyone has the right to the very best help we can provide.
I believe in taking pictures because they last longer.
I believe life is worth living for.
I believe laughter helps.
I believe we all have the ability to change the world for the better, if we choose to try.
I believe that anyone who hearts New York
is permitted to wear the t-shirt.
I believe you can always stand to learn more.
I believe the paper should always go over the roll, and you should do your best to remember to turn off the water while brushing.
I believe your life is what you make it.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Pont Neuf

If someone were to ask me, "Where were you the happiest?", my cliche answer would of course be Paris, but more specifically,
Pont Neuf.

While on this bridge, I realized that no matter what happened to me, I would be okay.  I would be okay losing my health, my money, my home, and be just okay.

I also realized that nothing is impossible.  I could do things I never even imagined doing.  I never dreamt I would be able to go to Paris in my lifetime, and yet there I was, at Pont Neuf.

Everything is possible.
All your dreams can come true.
Even the ones you haven't dreamed yet.

Fill in the Blank Friday #3!

1.  Today is a great day because  I'm going to explore the Upper West Side with my adventuring partner!.

2.   Tomorrow I will   brunch and dish with my BGGF from Maryland and convince him to come back to New York!!!  .

3.  My favorite time of day is   the morning    because    anything can happen, and it all starts then.

4. Sometimes you just have to    take care of yourself because you can't change other people's minds, but you can know your own.

5. A song that I just can't get enough of lately is   "Africa" by Toto - which I woke up thinking of and ADORE .

6. My favorite accessory is   rings! I channel Liberace on the daily! Yet I must always have MORE!!!.

7.  My favorite thing about this week was  either going to Dave & Busters with Eli and his friends on Wednesday, or meeting my tour manager yesterday and telling her the stories for the new tour I'm learning - I feel like I passed a test and now I can relax!.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Things I Love Thursday: Comfort Foods

Between stress, allergies, taxes, etc, these past few weeks have been a DOOZY.  I don't know about you, but when I'm stressed out, I EAT STUFF.  Yay for comfort foods!  You know, those foods you crave when you're feeling low, or sick, or just can't fathom cooking?

ENTENMANN'S... do I need to say more?  These little cookies are a chewy, sweet staple in our household.  Buying them is tantamount to a romantic gesture.  FOOD IS OUR LOVE LANGUAGE.

SWEETARTS!  Eli's mom introduced me to these while I was carsick over Thanksgiving.  Eating a giant roll of Sweetarts really slowly can make you feel tons better.  Even when I'm well, the piercing sour flavour takes me back to when Eels' parents were so kind as to pull off the highway so I could barf, then buy me candy so I would feel better.

MAC 'N CHEESE!  I don't care if it's Easy Mac or S'Mac, or gourmet (?) organic macaroni and cheese.  It's cheese.  It's noodles.  It must be love.

MARUCHAN RAMEN  this is the kind I grew up with - the BLUE flavour!  Accept no substitutes, it is salty, tangy, and satisfying.  Takes you back to a simpler (broke) time when you were young (broke) and broke...

GATORADE!  Okay, mushy story time...back when Eels and I were just getting to know each other, one of the first foods we shared was yellow (YES IT WAS YELLOW HE CLAIMS IT WAS BLUE BUT IT WAS MOST DEFINITELY YELLOW) Gatorade.  For months I drank yellow Gatorade every day, bringing it to work with me and keeping bottles in the fridge, because it reminded me of him.  When we lived in Queens and had a car, we would buy Gatorade in myriads of flavors for the home.  When I'm sick, Eels brings me Gatorade to feel better.  Yes, Gatorade, the thirst quencher.

ITALIAN FOOD  I'm not picky here - pasta (recurring theme?) plus sauce equals LOVE.  You can never go wrong with Italian food.  My mother makes homemade manicotti (sometimes I help!) that is too sinful and crave-worthy.  I'll leave it to the experts, though, but I know she reads this blog, so maybe if I'm lucky the next time I go home we'll have time to make some???

What are your comfort foods?
Is it unhealthy to tie foods to emotions?
Haha, I don't care, I'll just have more cookies!
...nom nom nom...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Seven Things Link-Up #7

Wednesday Wednesday Wednesday means spending the day with Eli (YAY!) and Gentri Lee's 7 Questions Link-Up, brought to you by Gentri Lee!  I'm so super stoked for this one because it's the seventh one, and that means we've now x 7 questions!

AND seen seven wickedly bizarre photographs...

Like this one, which was taken last year after we got the final piece of our couch, and I celebrated by flopping onto it and somehow sweet action shots were taken?  Ugh you guy know how on America's Next Top Model, when they do jumping photo shoots, they always yell at the girls to "stay pretty in the face"?  I guess this is why I've never been on ANTM.

1. What is your favorite App?

Oooh Angry Birds!  They are so irrationally a weird way, it helps me put my own anger into perspective by playing.

2. You have to come up with a book title on the spot- what is it?

"Don't Cry Out Loud: The Trials and Triumphs of the World's Saddest Mime"  <-- that's actually pretty good.  It sounds like a book that Tobias Funke might read.

3. You are given the choice between laughing at everything- always, or never being able to laugh again. Which would you choose?

Laughing at everything, naturally.  I already do.  Laughter is the greatest weapon in your arsenal.  Laugh at yourself and everyone around you will relax.  Also, if you laugh at someone who's being obviously rude or obnoxious, they get really confused and a little afraid of you and they usually stop.

4. What natural disaster scares you the most?

I suppose hurricane, since that's the only one I've never lived through.  A tornado struck during my only ever ballet recital.  That's a pretty strong omen telling me to give up ballet.

5. What time do you wake up each day? What time do you go to sleep?

I usually fall asleep sometime between 10pm and 1am, depending greatly on what I've done that day and whether there's anything worth staying up for.  But regardless, I always wake up around 7 or 7:15, even without an alarm.  I think it's still too bright in the bedroom.

6. Who's your daddy, and what does he do?

Well, my father is in the field of Library Administration, he lobbies for more money for libraries, and budgets for better programming and services in the libraries.  He also golfs a lot, likes good Scotch, and enjoys The Weather Channel un-ironically.

7. What's the craziest dream you've ever had?

I try to record my craziest dreams here for you all to enjoy, but last night I dreamed that Eli and I were having a spontaneous marriage ceremony in a tiny apartment, and in attendance were four dogs (two of whom I recognized), my parents, and Eli's cousin.  Before the nuptials it somehow came out that Eli's middle name is Robert (which it isn't, not that there's anything wrong with that) and everyone was chastising me for marrying someone whose middle name I didn't know.  The worst part is, the best defense I could come up with was "What's in a name?"  Weak.

How sad is it that I don't know what 7 X 7 is?
I want to say "42?"  But maybe I've just been conditioned to remember that that's the answer to everything.
Post the answer in the comments...because I'm too lazy to use my phone as a calculator.
Modern Times!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I Made A Shirt

It's not often that I DIY, or "D" much of anything, for that matter.  So I was really excited to try this T-shirt to tank top makeover from A Pair and a Spare, that I pinned on Pinterest.

I have this old Tori Amos t-shirt that was given to me second-hand (the best kind of shirt!) which rarely saw the light of day, in other words, it was BEGGING for a makeover.  Instead of twisting the straps, I kept them fairly wide (to avoid a too-big gaping arm or neck hole) and gathered them at the top of the shoulder, then again about two inches down towards the front.

I wore it around yesterday and it is SO comfortable!  I suck at taking pictures of my clothes, but here's my attempt.  Guess how many apps I used for these?!

The best part of the Tori Amos shirt is that you get to sing out loud her songs when you wear it!  And if you get the lyrics wrong, no one can step to you because they practically never make sense anyway:

"How many fates turn around in the overtime?
Buttercream raisins with films that you'll never find."
- pretty sure that's an actual lyric from "Spark" off the Choirgirl Hotel album

And you can wear it with anything!  Peasant skirts!  Neon jeans!  Shorts!  Bullets!

Monday, April 16, 2012

Mani Mondays - Short and Sweet

...but not for long!

I have work tomorrow, but afterwards, I'm looking forward to doing something like this:

in advance of my tours this weekend.
But since I very well can't have bloody nails around children, for now they are *gag* normal, even *shudder* cute.

Speaking of cute, the new ring I bought myself today (which is a bit large, oops, but was $3):

It's so shiny, you can totally see the reflection of me taking the picture in it!

Love me some big gaudy rings.

Hell's Damn It Kitchen

At the end of this week, I will (hopefully) be giving ghost tours in Hell's Kitchen!  Which meant that today, on the hottest day of the ever EVERS, I practiced walking the route IN THE HOT.  And came across this:

Fitting, no?  Although I'm pretty sure the creature terrorizing the neighborhood is ME.

Me, with my constant sneezing due to a staunch refusal to take allergy meds.  I'm not going to waste a Benadryl on some sniffles, that's for emergencies, like soy milk in my Chai Latte!  But I get mad at myself when I sneeze, so all the way down the sidewalk it will go like this:

*achoo!*  "Not again!"  *achoo!*  "Curses!"  *ACHOO*  "DAMN IT!"

I also learned that, if you walk around with your nose buried in papers, pointing at buildings, and taking pictures, every cab driver is going to assume you want, but don't know how to get, a taxi.  So they follow you down the street, slowly, leaning out the window, calling out "Tax-EEE?  Tax-EEE?  Tax-EEE, miss?"

*achoo!*  "NO - "  *achoo!*  " - THANK YOU..."  *ACHOO!*  "DAMN IT!"

It's also imperative, when practicing, to mutter your stories under your breath as you walk past the various landmarks, which is also SUPER normal and not at all alarming.

*achoo!*  "...taste of his blade..."  *achoo!*  "...headless prostitutes..."  *ACHOO!* 

I can just see it - the next time I go to Hell's Kitchen, there will be a totally different sign:

Let's-a make a deal.
If you book a tour with me in advance,
I will take Claritin in advance.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

You Can't Go Home Again

It's been more than a year since I was last in Forest Hills!

More than a year since I last lived in the house above, and boy has it changed.
New stoop, new roof, no bushes out front.
From the outside, it was unrecognizable.
Which made me really sad.

The whole town was different.
New Dunkin' Donuts, remodeled Duane Reade, whole new wine store.
Very little of the place I used to call home looked, well, homey anymore.

Even Martha's was different.

My favourite type of cupcakes was no longer in the menu!

My attempt to get a taste of home was, well, not very successful.

I suppose if home always stayed the same, we would never want to move on.
Stuck in a rut.
Tied to the homestead.
If things didn't change, we would never change.

I have changed so much from Forest Hills.

I'm so glad.
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