Dear Facebook Users:You are doing this ALL WRONG. Here are some posts I saw in my feed this morning that I should NEVER see in a facebook feed:
1. "Ohmigod I can't believe they kissed on last night's episode! FINALLY!"Really? Posting spoilers on facebook? Shouldn't we all know better by now?
2. "Two more days....!"Uhhh...two more days until WHAT, you vague asshole? Two more days until you step in as reigning queen of Genovia? Then I shall "like" your status. Two more days until they take your grandmother off the ventilator and she slips from this earth? Then I'd look like a real prize jerk if I "liked" it, huh? So unless you're gonna tell us what you're excited about happening in "two more days," maybe you should keep your excitement at your upcoming event AND your counting skills TO YOURSELF.
3. Long paragraphs about how much you love your children/significant other, musing about how fast the time has gone, all your treasured memories together, how much they have changed your life, blah blah blah.Dude. It's called a phone. Put down the facebook and CALL YOUR GIRLFRIEND. She'd probably appreciate you telling her so in person more than your facebook broadcast. Oh and by the way? Unless your child is on facebook and literate, they aren't going to be able to appreciate your long-winded rant about how much you cherish them so instead of typing up that two-page rant, go hug your baby and play Chutes and Ladders with them or something. Invite your beloved girlfriend. Make it a party. But please, don't get the internet involved.